How to Win Friends: Don't Kick the Beehive (Part 1)
Why criticism backfires — and what one wise team lead did instead.
有一本很有名的书，叫《人性的弱点》。There is a very famous book called How to Win Friends and Influence People.它是一位美国作家写的，很多年来，很多人都在读它。It was written by an American author, and for many years people everywhere have been reading it.这本书讲的是一个简单的问题：怎么跟人相处？The book is about one simple question: how do we get along with people?
书里有一个很有意思的说法：批评就像踢蜜蜂的家。There is a very interesting idea in the book: criticism is like kicking a beehive.你什么都得不到，只会被咬。You get nothing out of it — you only get stung.
为什么批评没有用呢？Why doesn't criticism work?因为人被批评的时候，第一件事不是改变，而是保护自己。Because when people are criticized, the first thing they do is not change — it is defend themselves.在自己的故事里，每个人都是好人。In their own story, everyone is the good guy.就算做错了事，人也会给自己找一个理由。Even when people do something wrong, they will find a reason to justify themselves.所以，别急着批评，先试着明白：他为什么会这样做？So don't rush to criticize — first try to understand: why did he act that way?
小李的公司里有两个组长，一个姓王，一个姓陈。At Xiao Li's company there are two team leads, one named Wang and one named Chen.有一天早上，王组长的组里有人迟到了。One morning, someone on Team Lead Wang's team came in late.王组长很生气，在大家面前大声批评他：“你怎么又迟到了？”Wang was furious and criticized him loudly in front of everyone: "How are you late again?"那个同事红着脸，一句话也没说。The coworker's face turned red, and he didn't say a word.从那天起，他很少说话，做错了事也不敢告诉王组长。From that day on he barely spoke, and when he made mistakes he didn't dare tell Wang.后来公司出了一个大问题，因为没有人早点说出来。Later the company had a big problem, because nobody had spoken up early.
同一天，陈组长的组里也有人迟到了。That same day, someone on Team Lead Chen's team was late too.陈组长把他叫到旁边，小声问：“发生什么事了？”Chen called him aside and asked quietly: "What happened?"那个同事说：“对不起，我的孩子昨天晚上生病了，我一夜没睡。”The coworker said: "I'm sorry — my child got sick last night and I didn't sleep at all."陈组长说：“先别担心工作，孩子现在怎么样了？”Chen said: "Don't worry about work right now — how is your child doing?"那个同事心里很感动。The coworker was deeply moved.从那天起，他工作得更认真，有问题也第一时间告诉陈组长。From that day on he worked harder, and whenever there was a problem he told Chen right away.
同样是迟到，两种做法，两个完全不同的结果。The same lateness, two approaches, two completely different results.批评让人关上门，理解让人打开门。Criticism makes people close the door; understanding makes them open it.下次你想批评别人的时候，先停一下。Next time you want to criticize someone, pause first.问问自己：如果我是他，我会怎么做？Ask yourself: if I were him, what would I have done?想改变别人，先放下手里的批评。If you want to change someone, first put down the criticism in your hand.
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